Anti's beard

This is a vintage AVENwiki page, and has been protected against any further editing and archived for future reference uses. It has been retained for its historical relevance.

This article explains an inside joke used on the AVEN forums, especially the Just For Fun board.
It does not describe any actual facts, nor does it represent the beliefs of asexuals as a whole.

• Anti's[1] beard is omnipresent. Wherever you go, whatever you do, it's watching you. [2]

• Anti's beard has been attached to famous pirates, such as Blackbeard and Bluebeard. [3]

• The Matrix was entirely created by Anti's beard [4], as were the Roman and British empires, paper clips, internal combustion engines, the Internet, the works of Shakespeare, and the perfect recipe for shepherd's pie. [5]

• An entire carwash once had to be completely dismantled after Anti's beard got stuck in it. [6]

• The Welsh Hairdressers Militia League once tried to defeat the power of Anti's beard by throwing him into Mount Doom, but the beard just made him bounce straight back out.

• Do not trust Anti's beard with your mobile, for it will make prank phone calls.

• Anti's beard can deflect bubbles and hamsterization spells, and is impervious to borg nanoprobes.

• Somewhere within the depths of Anti's beard, there is a lost city of gold.

• Anti's beard is immune to fire damage. It can keep burning and burning without getting any smaller.

• Not even Chuck Norris[7] can count the number of times Anti's beard has been set on fire.

• Anti's beard is over 90% responsible for the melting of the polar ice caps. [8]