Difference between revisions of "Demisexual"

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A '''demisexual''' is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.
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'''Demisexuality''' refers to never experiencing [[Attraction|sexual attraction]] on first impressions or outside of a close personal bond. Demisexuality was first conceptualized in terms of the [[primary vs. secondary sexual attraction model]]. As with any other [[sexual orientation]], demisexuals may identify with any [[romantic orientation]].
  
When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, sexuals often mistake it as an admirable choice rather than an innate [[Sexual orientation|orientation]]. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed.
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The term was proposed on February 8, 2006 by AVEN user Sonofzeal<ref>Sonofzeal, [https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/14000-asexual-sex/?tab=comments#comment-375635 Asexual sex], (February 2006).</ref> and was popularized<ref>Hezekiah, [https://pianycist.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/the-development-of-gray-asexuality-and-demisexuality-as-identity-terms/ The development of gray asexuality and demisexuality as identity terms], ''Critique of Popular Reason'', (May 2013).</ref> by AVEN user OwlSaint.<ref>OwlSaint, [https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/29621-demis/ Demi's], (February 2008).</ref>
  
According to [[Primary vs. secondary sexual attraction model|one hypothetical model]], a person who identifies as a demisexual does not experience primary [[Attraction#Sexual Attraction|sexual attraction]] but does experience secondary sexual attraction. In this model, primary sexual attraction is based on outward qualities such as a person's looks, clothes, or personality while secondary sexual attraction is attraction stemming from a connection, usually romantic, or from status or how closely the person is in relationship to the other.
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== Primary vs. secondary sexual attraction model ==
  
Though factors such as looks and personality do not affect primary sexual attraction for demisexuals (since demisexuals do not experience primary sexual attraction), such factors may affect [[Attraction#Romantic Attraction|romantic attraction]], as with any other orientation.
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'''Primary Sexual Attraction:''' sexual attraction to people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell).
  
"Demisexual" is also sometimes used as a synonym for some other kind of person falling under the [[Gray-A|gray-A]] umbrella. Demisexuality differs from gray-asexuality in that demisexuality is a specific sexual orientation in between "sexual" and "asexual", whereas "gray-A" is a highly unspecific catch-all used for anything between sexual and asexual that does not fit.
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'''Secondary Sexual Attraction:''' sexual attraction to people based on information that's not instantly available (such as personality, life-experiences, talents, etc.). How much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them for secondary sexual attraction to develop is something which varies from person to person.
  
Demisexuality may make forming romantic or sexual [[relationships]] more difficult for some people.  Demisexuals often make first impressions with sexuals of being "just friends", which may make they sexually value the relationship less.
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== Common Misconceptions ==
  
Demisexuals often have rocky relationships with asexuals because the demisexual's feelings may become more sexualized with time, which the asexual may find inappropriate or unexpected. In either case, having a better understanding of one's own orientation and how it differs from one's partner's orientation may help facilitate communication to clear up misunderstandings.
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One common misconception is that demisexual individuals can’t experience celebrity crushes. Demisexuals can feel attracted to celebrities, with all the information celebrities usually share about their lives on interviews and their own personal platforms, it's easy to get to imagine how a person's personality is, without personally getting to know them.
  
Demis may also append a gender orientation to the label, as in "Demi-heterosexual".
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That doesn't mean that the personality celebrities portray on the media or that the information they share about themselves is genuine or not, but demisexuals can still develop secondary sexual attraction based on how they think these celebrities are.
  
== See Also ==
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On the same topic, demisexuals can be attracted to fictional characters. It's common for demisexuals to be attracted to a character played by an actor but to experience no attraction to the actor itself when out of character. Demisexuals can also experience sexual attraction towards fictional characters in other media, like books, web comics, etc.
*[[Gray-A]]
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Another common misconception is that demisexual individuals can’t engage in casual sex. It’s important to note that being demisexual refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction - not a choice or an action, but a feeling. While it’s common for demisexuals not to desire sex without sexual attraction, it’s not a rule individuals have to abide by in order to identify as demisexual.
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Another common misconception is that demisexuals disregard people physical appearance. Some demisexuals do experience [[Attraction|aesthetic attraction]] and can have an aesthetic preference.
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== Attitudes towards sex ==
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'''Sex-repulsed:''' Feeling repulsed, uninterested or uncomfortable by the thought of engaging in sex. Sex-repulsed aces don't want to engage sexually and that's okay.
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'''Sex-indifferent:''' No particular feelings toward sex.
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'''Sex-favorable:''' Feeling favorable or interested in sex with others.
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==See also==
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* [[Gray-A]]
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* [[Gray-romantic]]
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* [[Demiromantic]]
  
 
==Related links==
 
==Related links==
 
*[http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/forum/72-the-gray-area/ AVEN's Gray Area]
 
*[http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/forum/72-the-gray-area/ AVEN's Gray Area]
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*[http://www.demisexuality.org/ Demisexuality.org]
 
*[http://demigrace.forumotion.com/ Demi Grace] - a forum for demisexuals, grey-asexuals and allies
 
*[http://demigrace.forumotion.com/ Demi Grace] - a forum for demisexuals, grey-asexuals and allies
*[http://demigray.tumblr.com/ Demi Gray] - a blog for demisexuals and gray-asexuals
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*[http://demigray.tumblr.com/ Demi Gray] - advice for demisexuals and gray-asexuals
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*[https://acesandaros.org/learn/the-asexual-umbrella Aces & Aros - The Asexual Umbrella]
  
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==References==
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<references />
  
 
{{Sexuality}}
 
{{Sexuality}}
[[Category:Related identities]][[Category:Orientations]]
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[[Category:Orientations]]
[[Category:Attention]]
 

Revision as of 22:56, 11 September 2022

Demisexuality refers to never experiencing sexual attraction on first impressions or outside of a close personal bond. Demisexuality was first conceptualized in terms of the primary vs. secondary sexual attraction model. As with any other sexual orientation, demisexuals may identify with any romantic orientation.

The term was proposed on February 8, 2006 by AVEN user Sonofzeal[1] and was popularized[2] by AVEN user OwlSaint.[3]

Primary vs. secondary sexual attraction model

Primary Sexual Attraction: sexual attraction to people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell).

Secondary Sexual Attraction: sexual attraction to people based on information that's not instantly available (such as personality, life-experiences, talents, etc.). How much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them for secondary sexual attraction to develop is something which varies from person to person.

Common Misconceptions

One common misconception is that demisexual individuals can’t experience celebrity crushes. Demisexuals can feel attracted to celebrities, with all the information celebrities usually share about their lives on interviews and their own personal platforms, it's easy to get to imagine how a person's personality is, without personally getting to know them.

That doesn't mean that the personality celebrities portray on the media or that the information they share about themselves is genuine or not, but demisexuals can still develop secondary sexual attraction based on how they think these celebrities are.

On the same topic, demisexuals can be attracted to fictional characters. It's common for demisexuals to be attracted to a character played by an actor but to experience no attraction to the actor itself when out of character. Demisexuals can also experience sexual attraction towards fictional characters in other media, like books, web comics, etc.

Another common misconception is that demisexual individuals can’t engage in casual sex. It’s important to note that being demisexual refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction - not a choice or an action, but a feeling. While it’s common for demisexuals not to desire sex without sexual attraction, it’s not a rule individuals have to abide by in order to identify as demisexual.

Another common misconception is that demisexuals disregard people physical appearance. Some demisexuals do experience aesthetic attraction and can have an aesthetic preference.

Attitudes towards sex

Sex-repulsed: Feeling repulsed, uninterested or uncomfortable by the thought of engaging in sex. Sex-repulsed aces don't want to engage sexually and that's okay.

Sex-indifferent: No particular feelings toward sex.

Sex-favorable: Feeling favorable or interested in sex with others.

See also

Related links

References

  1. Sonofzeal, Asexual sex, (February 2006).
  2. Hezekiah, The development of gray asexuality and demisexuality as identity terms, Critique of Popular Reason, (May 2013).
  3. OwlSaint, Demi's, (February 2008).
Sexual orientation
Asexual · Bisexual · Demisexual · Grey-A · Heterosexual · Homosexual · Pansexual
Research
Kinsey scale · Storms' model · Asexual studies · Asexual behavior in non-human animals
Category:Orientation