Demisexuality refers to never experiencing sexual attraction on first impressions or outside of a close personal bond. Demisexuality was first conceptualized in terms of the primary vs. secondary sexual attraction model. As with any other sexual orientation, demisexuals may identify with any romantic orientation.
Primary vs. secondary sexual attraction model
Primary Sexual Attraction: sexual attraction to people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell).
Secondary Sexual Attraction: sexual attraction to people based on information that's not instantly available (such as personality, life-experiences, talents, etc.). How much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them for secondary sexual attraction to develop is something which varies from person to person.
One common misconception is that demisexual individuals can’t experience celebrity crushes. Demisexuals can feel attracted to celebrities, with all the information celebrities usually share about their lives on interviews and their own personal platforms, it's easy to get to imagine how a person's personality is, without personally getting to know them.
That doesn't mean that the personality celebrities portray on the media or that the information they share about themselves is genuine or not, but demisexuals can still develop secondary sexual attraction based on how they think these celebrities are.
On the same topic, demisexuals can be attracted to fictional characters. It's common for demisexuals to be attracted to a character played by an actor but to experience no attraction to the actor itself when out of character. Demisexuals can also experience sexual attraction towards fictional characters in other media, like books, web comics, etc.
Another common misconception is that demisexual individuals can’t engage in casual sex. It’s important to note that being demisexual refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction - not a choice or an action, but a feeling. While it’s common for demisexuals not to desire sex without sexual attraction, it’s not a rule individuals have to abide by in order to identify as demisexual.
Another common misconception is that demisexuals disregard people physical appearance. Some demisexuals do experience aesthetic attraction and can have an aesthetic preference.
Attitudes towards sex
Sex-repulsed: Feeling repulsed, uninterested or uncomfortable by the thought of engaging in sex. Sex-repulsed aces don't want to engage sexually and that's okay.
Sex-indifferent: No particular feelings toward sex.
Sex-favorable: Feeling favorable or interested in sex with others.
- AVEN's Gray Area
- Demi Grace - a forum for demisexuals, grey-asexuals and allies
- Demi Gray - advice for demisexuals and gray-asexuals
- Aces & Aros - The Asexual Umbrella
- Sonofzeal, Asexual sex, (February 2006).
- Hezekiah, The development of gray asexuality and demisexuality as identity terms, Critique of Popular Reason, (May 2013).
- OwlSaint, Demi's, (February 2008).