Post of the Week

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The Post of the Week, or PotW, is a particularly well-written post from the AVEN boards featured on the homepage. The Post of the Week is selected each week by a different member of AVEN, nominated to the current Project Team.


October 25, 2011

If you just cuddle, that's ok, and she loves you. If you end up having sex, that's ok, and she loves you. If you get all self-conscious, totally lose the mood, and have an "Oh damn, I totally didn't relax" freakout, that's ok and she loves you. In fact, if that happens, I suggest you both make a point of laughing at the ridiculousness of it all - maybe pre-agree that if you freak out, then that means she has to feed you ice-cream until you calm down again, or some circuit-breaker like that.

– Olivier, on putting asexual partners at ease in mixed relationships.

May 18, 2011

It's a scary thought, but doesn't work in reality, fortunately. By which I mean using classical conditioning to explain/alter sexuality. There's plenty of really horrible groups out there who try to "convert" people... none of which succeed. They used to use electroshock treatment to try and convert people... which generally made them unable to physically have sex for a while, but I don't believed it changed their attractions.

Also, think about it: realistically if classical conditioning was the cause of sexuality, we wouldn't see the patterns of attraction we do. Most kids make friends mostly with their own sex, and therefore through both mere exposure and classical conditioning the large majority of people would be gay. Girls would be a bit more gay than boys, on average, because mothers do more of the childcare than fathers on average, and therefore most children would get a slightly higher push towards females. And all asexuals would have just had most people in their lives be horrible to them...

– virescence on the origin of sexuality

March 9, 2011

I know many in the asexual community are libidoists and many are not. But I cannot for the life of me remember which are which. The fact of the matter is that few people make a big deal out of it, for various reasons.

If you as an individual find it important, by all means incorporate it into your identity! But my feeling is that most people with experience in the community decide that it is not so important, and the people who make the most out of it are people who haven't thought much about what impact such an identity would actually have. So when I discourage use of "nonlibidoist", I'm merely trying to pass on the conventional wisdom of crowds and of experience. If you think that's just nonsense, that you're your own individual, that you can identify how you want, well, yeah, you can.

– Siggy on libidoism in the asexual community

February 27, 2011

I think I've come to accept myself as a sexual aromantic by first accepting that this is just a label, and labels are limiting. But labels also give me a simple way to describe myself as close as I can get to the real thing. For me, being a sexual aromantic is not a incapability of love - it's a lack of desire for the romantic aspects of a relationship that are typically viewed as "necessary." Similar to how an asexual individual can still have sex (they just do not desire it), I can still be in a relationship and do the romantic stuff (I just don't desire it.) It is simply another aspect of negotiation that would take place in my relationships.

And I explain myself just like that. "I'm aromantic. It doesn't mean I'm incapable of love, I just simply have to desire for the romantic aspects of the relationship." If I'm interested in the person, I usually wait to bring this up until I've proven that I am capable. I just seem a little distance at first because I find it hard to act out the "honeymoon" stage, but I definitely ensure I've proven my interest and care for the person before telling them. At that point, if this is a deal-breaker, I don't want to be in that relationship anyways.

– JAG [1]


November 17, 2010

I consider myself asexual and I can say there's a difference between libido/sex drive and sexual attraction. For example if you put 100 straight men on an island they won't be sexually attracted to each other but they will still get horny.

– WhenSummersGone explains the difference between low libido and asexuality.

November 11, 2010

compromise is an important part of a relationship, yeah, but there are times when it's appropriate and times when it's not; only you can really decide which category having sex would fall into. if you're repulsed at the idea and highly uncomfortable, as under_the_radar said, your sexual partner will pick up on that, and it probably wouldn't make her feel too great -- never mind your own feelings on the matter. you shouldn't have to do anything that makes you feel guilty or otherwise quite uncomfortable with yourself. if, on the other hand, it's more a case of, "okay, i don't have any need for this myself, but i can tolerate it and i enjoy making my partner feel good", then compromising now and then seems like an entirely reasonable idea. as far as things being awkward... well yeah, sex is awkward in the beginning for just about everyone; if you think that's something that comes from repulsion or just not feeling that it's natural for you, that's one thing; if you've only had sex once though, maybe it's something that would feel less awkward with more experience and time...? again, only you can decide where your boundaries lie; compromise can be a tricky thing, for sure.

– CBC Radio Girl on compromises.

November 6, 2010

If I offered you a tall glass full of cow's blood, would you be disgusted at the idea of drinking it? It's not fear, it's not hatred, it's simply being repulsed by something you do not want to do.

– Salogma distinguishes repulsion from anti-sexuality.

October 24, 2010

"Me: "Well, y'know, I think I'm asexual." Him: "...Wait, you just talked about.." We had talked about the Sherlock Holmes movie, and I had admitted to thinking Watson was gorgeous. I have no problem thinking like that about fictional characters. Still, worried how I would explain how it all fit together, I answered: "Yeah, but just because I think he's good-looking doesn't mean-" He cut me off in the middle of the sentence with an "Ooh." and this expression of sudden understanding."

rakel on the distinction between aesthetic and sexual attraction.

October 22, 2010

"Sometimes people claim that asexuality must be a dysfunction because it is "obvious" that people are "designed" by evolution to experience sexual attraction. This assumes that if something was "designed" a certain way by evolution, that is how it ought to work for everyone. This itself is very controversial. It is also unusable because we really have very little idea how/why what has evolved the way that it has. So people basically just make up a story for why you do or don't think something is "normal." Furthermore, I see no reason why it should be necessary for every member of a population to reproduce."

mandrewliter disposes one common fallacy

October 19, 2010

"I do have a libido, but again it never occurred to me to share that with someone else, no more than I would care to have someone involved in me taking a dump. It happens regularly and is private. I suppose a mixture of a libido and romantic/aesthetic attraction can fool someone into leaping to the conclusion that they are not asexual, and indeed, that's one of the common issues of confusion raised by newbies when they join.

"Since I've found out that I was asexual, sometimes I've gone out and looked at people, just in case people are right in the responses they give you sometimes "maybe you are just depressed!" etc... but no matter how hard I look at them, nothing ever happens, I can't imagine myself in sexual scenarios with them, there's no physical reaction, nothing.

"Some people feel the need to try sex in order to truly know they are asexual. I don't. I've never tried it and I don't see why I should, I'm fully aware it isn't something I require and even if I enjoyed the physical sensations (and as a libidoist ace, I know things are working down there) it wouldn't change the fact that the other person does not trigger arousal in me."


What's Asexuality To You?

October 12, 2010

"My daughter says she has never felt any type of attraction to anyone of either sex, ever. She has had friends both male and female, but never any attraction of any type or even a crush. Yes, I understand she is young still...but also that usually by this age, most at least have a crush on a famous person, or perhaps a feeling if we are attracted to men or women or both (or neither!). So far for her she says she isn't attracted to either. She doesn't define herself as hetero, homo or bi(and for the record we aren't rushing to "define" her either, that's her decision if she ever chooses to do so- I just want to learn more in the event she identifies herself as asexual). She has friends who are openly gay/lesbian and straight(though not all having sex, obviously, at this age). When we have talked in the past about crushes, I ask her just as often if she has a girlfriend as I do if she has a boyfriend, and she states she just doesn't ever feel that way about anyone, yet also doesn't feel like either is "wrong" for her (if I remember correctly she said something like "I don't say I'm attracted to boys or I'm attracted to girls; that would be cutting myself off from half the population, and what if one day the person I do feel like that about is male or female, and I said I was gay or straight and they were the opposite? I just don't know...neither one is right at the moment.) I think she's pretty mature about stating her feelings this way, and a lot more open thank I know many kids would be with their parents.

"I have tried in a few online parenting communities to look anonymously for support but haven't found a single other parent who has an asexual child. All I heard was "oh she's just young, wait and see, it will all be fine." Yep, it could just be that she's young, I acknowledge that. I know sexuality is different for everyone and we experience all kinds of different things at different stages of our lives. And I sure don't want to label her or rush her, I just want to be prepared to best support her if this is a path she chooses to identify herself (note, I don't mean she "chooses" to be asexual as in, it's a choice and she could choose not to, I just mean if this is how she chooses to identify herself to me or others one day). And I think she'll be fine whether she's straight, gay, bi, transgendered or asexual, or never identifies with any of these- I just want to know how to be the best mom I can to her no matter what."


Mom looking for information/suggestions

October 04, 2010

"I think a huge number of people just haven't been presented with the idea that it's okay to be this way, that they don't have some kind of problem, that you don't have to wait for a magical "right person" to come along before you're allowed to really be a whole person and you can go accomplish amazing, wonderful, beautiful things on your own. Add to that the fact that, even when someone hears about asexuality, they might need more information to sort things out. I'm heteroromantic, and spent a looooong time thinking I was just a very strange sort of heterosexual. There could be 11 more of me walking past every day thinking that crushing on the opposite gender means they don't fit the bill as asexual."



September 27, 2010

"It's surreal and scary and crazy-making, living a life trying to play by the rules when you don't even know what the game is, but everyone tells you that of course you know what it is, and nobody really explains anything. Even you think that you should know. Until the amazing possibility occurs to you that perhaps you are not feeling what everybody else is feeling. Wow! I remember the day that that realization really penetrated, after finding AVEN: 'I can be different. My god, there are others. This is actually a legitimate human experience!'"

Trix eloquently summarizes the relief so many people feel at discovering the community.


October 19, 2009

"If something as simple and harmless as not having sex is seen as taboo, then we don't have liberty... we've simply exchanged one oppressive cultural norm (being chaste and then getting heterosexually married and having 2.5 kids) for a different one (having lots and lots of sex, but in specific ways and with specific kinds of people, according to specific social structures)."

Hallucigenia believes in sexual liberation.

August 17, 2009

"I thought the whole point of the LGBT movement was nothing to do with recognising alternative sexualities - hence the inclusion of the trans folk - but about saying "this is my body and I have the right to be who I am whoever that may be with regards to my gender/sexuality." Of course asexuality should be included, as should anyone who stands by that message - you have hetero-normative folks here who consider themselves part of the movement and are as active about spreading awareness and acceptance as many people who aren't - and I would include them as part of the movement. The acronym is there because it's something people recognise and that's been hard fought for; everyone knows it's not alphabetically accurate, nor all-encompassing."

alittle_iron feels that asexuality should be part of the LGBT movement.

August 3, 2009

"I agree that it's really a need-to-know basis. For example, if you're someone who has no interest in dating, and one of your friends makes comments about that or pushes you to try dating and it becomes uncomfortable, it may be helpful to bring it up and ask them to quit it. If you enter a relationship, your partner has the right to know fairly early in the relationship."

Serenity discusses when to bring up asexuality with other people.

June 29, 2009

"I want to say profound things, because I think it really is a historic day for the asexual community. However, to me, it just seemed so normal that we should be there. It was exciting, but didn't seem out of the ordinary. Yeah, it's a little weird that a totally DIY group like us was marching in front of Kaiser Permanente, but that doesn't have anything to do with our sexuality. No matter what the acronym is, or what individuals think, we're really pretty queer. If "queer" means "rare", we're the queerest sexuality there is. We belong as much as anyone else in the non-hetero pantheon."

Ily on marching in the San Francisco Pride Parade.

June 15, 2009

"Obviously I'm not going to understand what sex means to sexuals because I am not sexual. I can try to understand it the best that I can, and I think I do a good job of it, to be honest. There's always just going to be that little part of me that's still going, "....but why?" because I am asexual and don't have the same needs as sexuals."

Charlieee on understanding.

April 28, 2009

"I tried to explain all the variations of asexuality - that we're homo, hetero, bi, pan, trans; that some are aromantic and some aren't, some are disgusted by sex and some just bored, etc etc, but when the disbelief continued I wanted to come out. A few in my group know but there were a lot of people there - friendly in general, but still a big audience - and I wanted to disprove them, to explain what it means to me, and I couldn't. I just couldn't make myself say it.

I hate that after years of identifying as various shades of queer, I got to a point where I was comfortable coming out to anyone and everyone, but now that I identify as ace I'm afraid to come out even in the GLBTQQIAACP group that supposedly includes us."

celebros on coming out.

April 13, 2009

"I've always practically felt no desire or interest in sex at all. I mean, I was aware that this was what some people did when they grew up, but I never thought it would be relevant to me and I never saw it as something that I'd like to do one day. It was just kind of 'there' - as in, for me it was just another thing that existed out there in the world."

Jazmin explains her own asexuality.

March 16, 2009

"The nice thing about labels is that they allow you to have a discussion about something where everyone involved knows what's being discussed. Like, when you ask someone if they want a cookie, obviously you're not fully describing the infinite variety of cookies in the universe, but at least they know you're not offering a ham. And in the case of asexuality, when we describe ourselves as asexual, it lets us find each other so that we can discuss it further and figure out that we're not alone."

SecretSaucer shows some of the benefits of labels.

February 23, 2009

"I'm quite happy to be here. When I found out that there was a name for what I was feeling and that there were many people who felt the same way, I was ecstatic! I don't feel alone. I don't feel as much pressure to change who I am or to try to find a boyfriend. My feelings have been validated to an extent, and it's made me feel just a bit more comfortable with myself."

Kotoko doesn't feel alone.

February 10, 2009

"I don't know if I'll be an asexual forever, and I suppose part of me hopes that I might one day awaken to find myself physically attracted to people and interested in sex out of a fear of living alone later in life. If that happens, great. If not, frankly, I think it will be that much more of an adventure and an incentive to keep making new friends and to negotiate between my coexisting desires/needs for both aloneness and friendship. That's not to say I'm not afraid, but I think facing this fear of loneliness is the only way to combat it. I don't even think I mean "combat"; I think I mean "reconcile with": I think loneliness can be a challenge to seek new friends or to seek individual accomplishment or both. I want to turn "loneliness"--which possesses an inherently negative connotation--into "aloneness," which can be both good and bad."

acreight has a positive attitude.

January 26, 2009

"With cautious enthusiasm, I'd like to say that it also feels right to finally be here. When I look through these forums and read about people who, like me, change the subject when conversations turns toward sex; who, like me, wonder how to tell their new romantic interest about their lack of sexual desire; and who, like me, don't enjoy having sex constantly shoved down their throats by the media... well, it certainly feels like home. Here's hoping I've finally found it."

Jase feels at home.

January 12, 2009

"I found it so hard to be accepted as a non-sexual being, even by close friends, that I eventually just slipped into 'acting' as if I were a gay man. Why it should be so much easier to accept that I was a gay man not having sex than a straight one, I can only guess - my theory is that they assumed I had clandestine liasons with 'hidden' gays, but didn't want to pry. Even though I consider myself to be an intelligent rational human being, I still feel somehow 'less' of a man because I don't want to have sex - the stereotyping and gender imprinting is so pervasive in Western society. Happily, AVEN and various other sites/people/episodes of personal growth are helping to lessen that sense of 'emasculation'."

DiscoBison discusses some of the difficulties in being accepted.


December 29, 2008

"A question that's been bothering me of late is how to define being in a relationship. A year ago, I would have said it's who you're having sex with. For about 9 months now I've been in a happy celibate relationship. What I'm still not entirely certain of is what makes it such. Don't get me wrong, I like how things are now. It's just the lack of a solid definition that's bothering me. For example, how can you morally define cheating on someone? And if you can't define cheating on someone, how can you define the relationship at all?"

Adahn sparks an interesting conversation about defining relationships.

August 23, 2008

"I don't feel socially handicapped at all. Sure, I don't date, but why that would cause me to be socially handicapped is ludacris. I have a perfectly normal social for the most part. I'm not a loner. I have lots of friends. I get out there and do things. I don't feel at all handicapped because of my asexuality. So what if I don't date? I'd rather be friends with guys than date them. I advance socially through my charming personality and wit (hahahaha) instead of through dating."

GoAllyGoGo has an active social life.

April 21, 2008

"My asexuality doesn't define me. Well it does but only to the point that it's my sexual orientation. There are other aspects of me that are more prevalent like my pony tail and my odd mix of various rock genres and electronic dance music. I suppose they just come up in conversation more often than the sex I'm not having..."

live wire points to more prevalent aspects of himself.

March 27, 2008

"It seems that the discovery of AVEN and asexuality is, for many of us, accompanied by feelings of liberation or some newfound freedom. Liberation is always from something--we are liberated from for example, pretending to be sexual when we are not, from feeling alone, from feeling as though something is wrong with us, etc. But, there are other things that we still need to be liberated from--many of us still feel alienated from friends and family, asexuality is pathologized, our existence is denied, we are afraid of "coming out," and so on and so forth."

LaLunaVerde talks about feelings of liberation upon learning of asexuality.

March 15, 2008

"I am not asexual because I feel unwanted and unappreciated. I am not asexual because I have had experience with guys who I thought only used me for sex. I am not asexual because I think I am not pretty or popular enough for a good sexual relationship. That is not what asexuality is all about. If someone thinks they are forced to be celibate for any of these reasons, then they should seek therapy. No one forces themselves to be asexual."

Lucinda argues against some of the stereotypes surrounding asexuality.

March 8, 2008

"Even if there is nothing 'wrong' with us and we are all just repressed, so what? 'Straight edge' people are more comfortable with other 'straight edge' individuals, smokers with other smokers, blah blah blah. People choose to participate (and refrain from participating) in all sorts of activities every day. If we are simply 'choosing' not to have sex, does it matter? Does this make it any less valid? Granted, we may be naturally sexual, but if we aren't suffering in the least because of it, it shouldn't matter."

reverse_thrust exists as a member of this community, and doesn't think the rest should matter.

February 9, 2008

"I have these two trains of thought, one being logical and one being emotional. Logically, I know that people are asexual, asexuality is real, and that people who identify as asexual should be given respect and awareness should be made. But then emotionally, I just get irritated by it all because it has put a wall up in a relationship that means a lot to me."

lastditchattempt expresses her difficulty with asexuality.

February 2, 2008

"The world is shades of grey and pretty much every area of life seems to turn out grey for me, not least my sexuality. I really don't know where I fit in. After reading some more, I'd guess I fall into a hyposexual group, which is worse in some ways as its only going to confirm peoples beliefs that I have a medical problem. Maybe I do, I don't know... But to me it seems it would be scary to feel such sexual urges as some sexuals describe. So in that way I'm happy to be Grey-A... its not clear cut... but neither am I, so I guess its the best description I'm going to get."

Grey-A embraces the grey side.

January 26, 2008

"So I was talking with my very sexual friend and I mentioned that I wished I had an asexual boyfriend. This lead to a longer conversation in which she said "Wait, you do want to have sex someday, don't you?" I replied, that no, I did not, and I could not even comprehend why somebody would want sex. I said to me sex is like saying taking your finger and jamming it repeatedly up your partner's nose and saying that it's pleasurable and an expression of love. She (my friend) laughed but I think she may finally be starting to understand that I'm not as sexual as her."

Niemand gives a humorous twist to a touchy subject.

January 19, 2008

"My supportive friendly sexual ex does feel sorry for me because for him [sex] is this incredible experience and he feels sad I'll never know it. BUT! with the help of AVEN, I'm becoming more and more aware that my feelings are valid too - so I'm relaxing into the idea that for me, cuddling and a deep discussion are "sex" and [I'm] enjoying them to the fullest. Occasionally I still get a pang of, 'oh, I wish I could know what sex feels like (to people who rave about it)' - but it's a colour I've never been able to see, so I can't truly miss it."

Freed_Spirit is living life without dwelling on what could have been.

January 5, 2008

"Good heavens no, being asexual doesn't mean being alone! I'm about to get married (as soon as we get the whole messy telling the parents bit out of the way). I won't go on a lame "there's someone for everyone" kick here because I don't know if that's true... all I will say is that your (a)sexuality is not your destiny any more than your gender or anything else is your destiny."

retrophile, disagreeing with the idea that being asexual means being alone.


December 29, 2007

"And while I won’t say I have everything nailed down in my head & know exactly what I want at all times (does that ever really happen?), I am at a much better place than I was when I first started exploring my sexual identity. When you put the issues of labels back in, that’s where it can still get confusing, because I often feel like I’m not quite sexual, but perhaps not quite asexual either. However, when it comes down to it, that whole matter doesn’t seem as important, because I’m already comfortable with myself, and I refuse to feel like I need to box myself into a label and compromise my own thoughts and feelings, and consequently lie to myself about how I truly am, in order to appear less confusing to others & fit into a category that I can actually help define."

ghosts on defining herself and the boundaries of labels.

December 22, 2007

"I have been so in love that the presence of my love made my heart race, my temperature skyrocket, my breath come short, my knees go weak, my vision tunnel until all I could see was him, and I craved his touch and his voice and his company....but I still didn't want to have sex with him. I did, because it made him happy and I lived to make him happy, but it was not something I did for myself, nor something I looked forward to. Had the guy gotten into a terrible accident and been incapable of sex, I would not have missed a thing. So I am confident that the "right" person will not make me sexual; rather, the "right" person means a person who is compatible with me because of/despite my asexuality."

M51 shares how love has not affected her asexuality.

December 15, 2007

"I'm comfortable talking about sex and sexuality. I'm comfortable talking about my asexuality with close friends, and getting comfortable bringing it up with other friends and in other contexts. I've accepted that I'm attractive, and I've started caring more about dressing well, being outgoing, being social and flirty, without being afraid of the attention I get.

And, most interestingly, getting comfortable with myself through asexuality has made it possible for me to start experimenting with relationships and even start thinking about sexual activities. I'm comfortable with being sexy, being wanted sexually, and--even though I still don't get the sexual attraction part--I'm comfortable with the idea of having sex, in the right situation with the right person.

Asexuality has freed me."

Spinneret explains how asexuality has changed her.

December 8, 2007

"I think the trouble stems from the fact that sometimes a person doesn't really know what sexual attraction means. [...] I've found many many things (non-human included) "attractive". I always just thought I was strange for having this strong attraction to something that wasn't another human being, like nature, art, music, writing, etc. I assumed that it was attraction, because it was the same feeling I felt for the people I had "crushes" on, and it made me want to be near them, to be surrounded by the people or things that inspired that feeling. But it's recently occured to me - maybe that wasn't "sexual attraction" in the first place."

Saint Destruction clarifies the abstract idea of attraction.

December 1, 2007

"My way of flirting was argument and wordplay. What got me excited (and still does) in a conversation with a guy was to argue back and forth about some stupid, trivial subject, quibble on words and definitions, pounce on inconsistencies or flaws in the other's argument. All in good fun. One of my guy friends at school used to do this with me at the lunch table, and all our other friends would get bored or annoyed or say, "Can't you guys just get along?" They didn't understand it was fun for both of us. I've never been romantically interested in a guy who couldn't play with me this way."

Lirelyn offers a different take on flirting.

November 24, 2007

"I think that sexuality has appropriated so many things, from the naked body to exploring that body unashamed to walking at sunset while holding hands with your love. but i don't think that any situation is inherently sexual or foreplay to sexuality. i don't work well with sexual contact but i'm all for affection, physical closeness, and intimacy so i could do the very same things that sexuals do but do them for different reasons, get different meanings, and make it deep a whole different way."

vanilla black tea speaks up for nonsexual intimacy.

November 17, 2007

"I have been saying since the days when I first began doing interviews on the subject of asexuality that far too much emphasis is placed on what asexuals don't do. [...] I have, instead suggested to reporters and various other interviewers, that the emphasis should be placed instead on what we are doing: forging our own lives, by our own rules and standards, insisting on our own identities and our own relationships. We are embracing our asexuality as an actual sexuality, accepting it as our sexual identity and our way of interacting with others sexually. Asexuality is the term which best describes our sexual beings. In other words, it isn't that asexuals have no sex or sexuality; rather, our sexuality is asexual."

KBRD143 redefines what it means to be asexual.

January 19, 2007

"The much touted 'sexual revolution' is, and has been, a failure. It will continue to be a failure up until the day when there is REAL sexual freedom, and it is FINALLY OKAY to say, 'No thanks. I'm just not interested. At all. Ever.'

"When a person can say 'No' to sex, without being second-guessed, ridiculed, pitied, or accused of lying and hiding their true orientation, THEN they have sexual freedom".

GBRD143 takes a bow for the new revolution.

January 12, 2007

"My bedfellows of choice? Paperbacks. Hardcover books are too hard and pointy, I can't sleep comfortably with them."

Penumbra is fantastic in bed.

January 05, 2007

"My asexuality is not based on a decision. My living an asexual LIFESTYLE, and not denying it or letting people force me into a sexual lifestyle, is my decision, but my lack of sexual attraction itself is not through a process of decision-making or choosing from what has been offered."

cijay is asexual by nature, but asexy by choice. ==2006

December 03, 2006

"I am glad I am not the only one who has started laughing or giggling during the few making out and other intimate moments I've had in my life. I do seem to be the only one who didn't feel at all bad about it, just annoyed right back at them when they'd get angry at my laughter first. When it comes down to it, I act silly during intimate moments because I can't take it seriously (the expressions sexual people get on their faces when they are being intimate are hilarious to me,) and the laughter/giggling is a part of it."

C21H22O2N2 can't keep a straight face.

November 25, 2006

"The reason asexuals wish to come out to family and friends is probably to put an end to the intense social pressure to partner. I'm sure a good number want to partner, but they wish to do so on their own terms. That means communication. I also think they are trying to gain some support for themselves as people. I never feel very comfortable on a course of action unless I feel I am supported by my family."

mindlife on why we (sometimes) come out.

October 28, 2006

"Don't say your orientation will be the cause of you being lonely and miserable! There's still so much more to life to be happy about, other than having a romantic relationship.

"Also, it's rare, but still quite possible for you to meet another asexual with whom you can be in a romantic-type relationship... We've got a handful of asexual couples running around on this site, even one recently married asexual couple (who met here on AVEN!). Aside from that, although it is more difficult, relationships between an asexual and a sexual can work out as well. Really.. There's hope." *thumbs up*

deladangerous looks on the bright side

October 16, 2006

"A person's sexuality is seen from the outside primarily in their behavior as it relates to their search for a sexual partner. For an asexual, the outside behavior MIGHT be different, but a lot of asexuals learn to play 'the game' in order to be accepted by others. It is in the mental aspect of sexuality that we differ. Choosing the type of person desired for sexual relationships IS an aspect of sexuality, and asexuals DO make a choice. It just happens to be NOBODY."

Greybird on defining "sexuality".

October 6, 2006

"I read the definition and wondered, 'what is sexual attraction then?' The answer is probably, 'if you have to ask, you don't have it.' I kept reading and as I did so, the sun rose in my head."

Stupendous Sam wonders why she wasn't informed

September 29, 2006

"It's one thing for society to tell us our body is only good for one thing. But you have to take the stand to change that view within yourself... Seek out all the ways your body is beautiful and then stick your finger out the window and give a big f-you to everyone who ever made you feel like your body wasn't beautiful by sexualizing it."

fern on taking the sex out of nudity

September 22, 2006

"The sex issue ended up alienating me from my partners. What seemed the worst for me is that afterwards they would always describe a feeling of intimacy, that we had grown closer because of it. This drove me away because on the inside I felt the exact opposite."

Kallan remembers the old days

September 15, 2006

"There are lots of things that are "needed" for human society to function. We need people to befriend other people, to engage in charitable activities for each other, and to contribute to the infrastructure, economy, and/or government of the places they live in, among other things. Asexuals can do those things just fine. We also need people to reproduce, but not everybody - people have really been overdoing that one lately. So don't worry, you're just as necessary as everybody else."

Hallucigenia destroys the "worthless" argument

September 7, 2006

"When people look for a partner, most people are looking for someone to help them fulfill emotional as well as sexual needs. Romantic asexual people, no matter which gender or sex they are or are not attracted to, are looking for that emotional connection with another person, but aren't looking to fulfill any sexual need."

Squid on explaining asexual orientation