Difference between revisions of "Relationship FAQ"

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(general questions)
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===I would like to date a certain person, but I'm fairly sure that they're sexual. How can I approach them without giving them the wrong impression?===
 
===I would like to date a certain person, but I'm fairly sure that they're sexual. How can I approach them without giving them the wrong impression?===
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This is a tricky question. Some asexuals favour telling potential partners about their orientation as soon as possible, while others find this awkward. The general consensus is that, to avoid giving a misleading impression, an asexual should explain their orientation when sexual topics come up - this could occur in conversation, when a sexual remark is made, or in events, when the sexual partner makes a first attempt at physical contact.
  
 
===Is it possible to be asexual as well as lesbian, gay, or bi?===
 
===Is it possible to be asexual as well as lesbian, gay, or bi?===
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Yes, it is. Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, but some experience [[Attraction#Romantic_Attraction|romantic attraction]], which can be directed towards either or both sexes. Some asexuals therefore identify as gay or lesbian asexuals, while others identify as straight asexuals; others don't much care about the sex of their prospective partners, and still others don't want romantic relationships with anybody at all.
  
 
===If my partner is sexually attracted to me, does this mean that their feelings are shallow and physical and they don't really love me?===
 
===If my partner is sexually attracted to me, does this mean that their feelings are shallow and physical and they don't really love me?===
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There are some people in the world who enter relationships for the purposes of sexual gratification and not much else. Needless to say, these people shouldn't be paired with an asexual.
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However, many sexuals really do love their partners very much. The fact that such feelings are mixed in with sexual attraction doesn't make them less "pure" or real, and sexual people don't have the power to magically take the sexual bits away from their feelings of love, even if some of them would like to for the sake of their partners.
  
 
===Do I owe my partner sex because of things I've been doing with them, like flirting or kissing or letting them take me to fancy restaurants?===
 
===Do I owe my partner sex because of things I've been doing with them, like flirting or kissing or letting them take me to fancy restaurants?===
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Absolutely not! Nobody ever owes sex to anybody else. People should always have control over what other people can do with their bodies, and you ''always'' have the right to say "no" to sex.
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That said, sometimes there are situations that can lead a sexual person to expect sex, resulting in frustration for both parties later on when sex is denied. To avoid these situations, it is best to inform the other person about asexuality and your own boundaries before the opportunity for misinterpretation arises.
 +
 +
Even if you forget to do this, you still have the right to say "no"! It is better to frustrate your partner a little than to let yourself be pressured into a sexual decision you may regret for the rest of your life.
  
 
===My partner is pressuring me to do sexual things that I don't want to do. How do I resolve this tension?===
 
===My partner is pressuring me to do sexual things that I don't want to do. How do I resolve this tension?===
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===I've sworn off relationships with sexuals, but still feel romantic attraction. How can I find a like-minded asexual to date? Is there any hope?===
 
===I've sworn off relationships with sexuals, but still feel romantic attraction. How can I find a like-minded asexual to date? Is there any hope?===
  
===What's a romantic relationship, anyway? Since I'm asexual, how does it differ from being good friends or cuddle-buddies?===
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===How do I know if I'm romantic or aromantic? What's a romantic relationship, anyway?===
  
 
==For sexuals==
 
==For sexuals==

Revision as of 21:09, 14 October 2006

Contents

General Questions

Can asexuals have successful romantic relationships with each other?

Yes! There are many asexual couples on AVEN, including one married couple, and other asexual couples exist who met in different ways. The hard part is to find a compatible asexual person, but as asexual visibility increases and asexuality becomes accepted, this is expected to get easier.

Can asexuals have successful romantic relationships with sexuals?

Yes. The tension between the sexual partner's expectations and the asexual partner's needs can be very difficult to work with in some relationships, and many asexuals consider success so unlikely that they prefer not to date sexuals at all, but successful mixed relationships do exist. Some of these relationships are completely sexless; in others, the asexual partner "compromises" by having sex occasionally under certain circumstances; and in others, both partners experiment with pseudosexual behavior and find things that work for both of them. Like with any other compatibility issue in a relationship, the key is to establish excellent communication, so that both partners can know and respect the other's situation.

Why do asexuals want romantic relationships, anyway?

Not all asexuals do want romantic relationships. Some asexuals want romantic relationships because they experience romantic attraction. These asexuals get crushes and fall in love just like romantic sexuals do, except without the desire for sex.

For asexuals

I would like to date a certain person, but I'm fairly sure that they're sexual. How can I approach them without giving them the wrong impression?

This is a tricky question. Some asexuals favour telling potential partners about their orientation as soon as possible, while others find this awkward. The general consensus is that, to avoid giving a misleading impression, an asexual should explain their orientation when sexual topics come up - this could occur in conversation, when a sexual remark is made, or in events, when the sexual partner makes a first attempt at physical contact.

Is it possible to be asexual as well as lesbian, gay, or bi?

Yes, it is. Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, but some experience romantic attraction, which can be directed towards either or both sexes. Some asexuals therefore identify as gay or lesbian asexuals, while others identify as straight asexuals; others don't much care about the sex of their prospective partners, and still others don't want romantic relationships with anybody at all.

If my partner is sexually attracted to me, does this mean that their feelings are shallow and physical and they don't really love me?

There are some people in the world who enter relationships for the purposes of sexual gratification and not much else. Needless to say, these people shouldn't be paired with an asexual.

However, many sexuals really do love their partners very much. The fact that such feelings are mixed in with sexual attraction doesn't make them less "pure" or real, and sexual people don't have the power to magically take the sexual bits away from their feelings of love, even if some of them would like to for the sake of their partners.

Do I owe my partner sex because of things I've been doing with them, like flirting or kissing or letting them take me to fancy restaurants?

Absolutely not! Nobody ever owes sex to anybody else. People should always have control over what other people can do with their bodies, and you always have the right to say "no" to sex.

That said, sometimes there are situations that can lead a sexual person to expect sex, resulting in frustration for both parties later on when sex is denied. To avoid these situations, it is best to inform the other person about asexuality and your own boundaries before the opportunity for misinterpretation arises.

Even if you forget to do this, you still have the right to say "no"! It is better to frustrate your partner a little than to let yourself be pressured into a sexual decision you may regret for the rest of your life.

My partner is pressuring me to do sexual things that I don't want to do. How do I resolve this tension?

I've sworn off relationships with sexuals, but still feel romantic attraction. How can I find a like-minded asexual to date? Is there any hope?

How do I know if I'm romantic or aromantic? What's a romantic relationship, anyway?

For sexuals

I think my partner might be asexual. What should I do?

If my partner isn't sexually attracted to me, does this mean that they don't really love me?

I'm sure my partner is asexual but they won't talk about it with me. What can I do?

We had great sex at first but now it is totally gone. I don't understand. Is it possible that my partner has suddenly turned asexual?

My partner masturbates and/or watches pornography, but doesn't want to have sex with me. How is this possible?

What exactly is it that asexuals will and won't do? Do they enjoy kissing and cuddling? How about second base, or (fill in the name of a pseudosexual act here)?

I want to stay with my partner and support them but the lack of mutual sexual feelings is killing me. What can I do?